I am a single mother of a beautiful blue eyed 8 month old angel. Sadly, on my end, living my life solely to care for this child isn’t satisfying enough so here I am. Some things you may notice I mention, and sound bitter as fuck, that’s not always the case, most times I’m just pissed the fuck off and type it how I think it. So don’t pretend to know me or my situation if you haven’t lived it.
I am at peace with my situation, everything going on and all that’s been said and done between me and my ex significant other AKA my baby daddy. This little multi-sectioned story is about how I met my child’s father, how I ended up wasting thousands of dollars on attorney fees to keep my child full time, and all the the gushy, grody and raw (love and hate filled) moments in between.
Let’s begin with the fact that my last relationship was an engagement that broke off due to comfort levels reached by my ex. He wasn’t the handsomest dude I’d met but he was kind, and he was funny. One thing I love about life is that there’s always a positive point of view you can look at, that was me. I loved to smile and I loved to laugh! I’m a witty mother fucker so if you’re not into the jokes, you won’t wanna date me. Hourglass figure or not, if you can’t talk and laugh with me, you won’t wanna be with me. It’s really that simple.
Well this dude loved the fuck outta me, apparently I was everything he’d dreamed of. When we first met, he had trouble with self control when it came to drinking and smoking (Mary Jane that is). I was totally against the smoking part as for the drinking, I was certain I can prove to him that he didn’t need to drink himself to sleep in order to enjoy life. I literally brought the light back into his life. We were good, things were great, we supported each other and when we knew the other wasn’t making the grandest decision, we’d sit and talk without discrimination or judgements, but would try to help the other see things from a different point of view to help make a better, more informed/wise decision. Hardly ever argued, went on beautiful vacations together, then one day the dude decided to propose! Well shit, I can’t say I didn’t see it coming, cuz honestly I’m quite the catch. I’m one you’d call pretty with a body to match it, nice personality, I’m kind, generous, understanding, all of the things I’d want in a man is what I tried to be for the man, with honest expectations of what I’d want in return from my man. Fast forward to the end, after we got engaged (obviously I accepted his proposal) I ended up getting a different job (did I mention we worked together??) yes, we worked at the same company, different jobs within, but still saw each other throughout the day, had lunch together and sometimes we were lucky enough to work together all day as our separate work lined up perfectly to where we were side by side all day. Then would clock out and go home, together. Yes, we also lived together. Things were just that well with us, until I decided to go off to work for a different company. Our scheduled no longer lined up, we’d still have lunch together some days but as for shift change, the only difference was my shift ended about 2 hours after his did.
That is where it started to go downhill. I didn’t realize how much this man depended on my presence to stay strong in his battle with fiending for alcohol and Mary Jane. The first few weeks to a month was fine, he’d be home showered, had dinner finished up and ready for adventure by the time I’d walk in the front door at the end of my shift. The summer time was great, we’d have so much time left with sunshine that it hardly felt like any time was wasted. When the fall time hit, and it started getting a bit chilly out, and the sun would start to set on my way home from work….I had a gut feeling something was going to happen, I just didn’t know what.
A few months have passed that I’ve been at my new job, I’d walked in the door and the living room light would be on (it’s obviously gotten dark out and lights were needed on to see any damn thing) and there was my fiancé, playing his childish video games, pouring out the last bit of my brand new bottle of wine I’d just gotten on our last grocery trip.
Drunk in love? I think not. The man sleep walks when he falls asleep under any influence, imagine dealing with that when lately there has been no play between the two of you, he’s already drunk because of “boredom” by the time you get home. Who wants to deal with this for the rest of their life?? I agreed to marry the man that had his shit together, the man I HELPED get his shit together, not this excuse of a child who needed caring for. I hadn’t had a child yet and I didn’t think i needed a head start on how to care for one!! I was damn good on my own without the stresses that came with caring for someone. This has already gone on for some time, long gone felt the days where we sat and talked things out, there’s no talking to a drunk and expect them to remember anything the next day.
I was done, this is not something I wanted or needed to be successful in life. This was something I was sure I could live without, and so I did.
I walked away.
Leave a Reply