In the midst of coming to the realization that I could do better than a drunk who can’t control his need for a bottle, I won’t lie, there was definitely someone else involved.
No, I did not get involved with another man, although he played a big role in my decision to leave the drunken fiancée I felt stuck with. The decision was never as simple as “do I need this? Nah, I’ll just go about my life and leave him”
Although I will openly admit, this man called me beautiful, told me daily what a great personality I have, how a man would be lucky to have a woman like me….hearing things like this, and knowing how hard I had been working to be successful in my new found job, and trying to get in shape and stay healthy, why did I feel like the man I was engaged to was taking me for granted? No longer appreciating what he had, I know I became a bit absent in comparison to all the time we had together before, but why did it come to feel like he either wanted all my time or none of it? I will openly admit yet again, I will not sit and attempt to have a good time with a drunk, either we’re drinking together or we’re not drinking, I won’t come home to a man who’s already polished off a bottle of wine and attempt to catch up!!! The fuck do I look like wasting my day away drinking just to drink, we’re no longer on the same level nor do I aim to be on your level.
So yes, there was a man, who reminded me of my worth, it didn’t have to be an intimate interaction with another person for me to think long and hard on whether that was something I wanted to deal with or go back to being single.
I may get a few side eye responses with a “yeah sure, care to try telling us again you weren’t romantically involved with someone else?!!” Yes, I’ll tell you again bozo, I was NOT romantically involved with anyone else while I was with my ex. Although, I badly wanted to be. That’s when I knew it was over and I wanted more. If I’m already craving something I don’t have BEFORE I marry this man, why would I continue to commit to an already failing relationship? I wanted something that was long gone and I didn’t know how to get it back.
Staying with him for a couple more months was another mistake. Within this time, I’d lost my grandpa. I didn’t know how to grieve, I’ve never lost someone before. I’d be in my feelings all day, at work and at home. There was a difference between the two places, at work I had someone try to comfort me and be there for me through all my pain and lack of understanding, at home….. all I did was cry by myself. This dud that claimed he wanted to be with me didn’t offer me something as simple as a sympathetic hug for my loss. He didn’t give a flying fuck at this point.
THAT was something I had to go through on my own to finally make the decision to leave, and I did. I told him I was unhappy and wanted to leave, and from that moment on, until I found another apartment, the most he’d say to me was “so when are you leaving? Today? Next week? When are you moving out?” Let me just help you guys understand, this man had SHIT credit from the day I met him, and I hope that also helps you understand the kind of person I am. His credit being trashed didn’t bother me, I helped him build it up to what it was at the end of our 3 year relationship, and he really thought that pushing me out the door sooner was gonna benefit him. I’m honestly sitting here thinking about it and literally laughing out loud! Soon as I left, he had to renew the lease to the townhouse and since I was not there, I’m not signing a damn thing for him, he had to do it on his own, and was denied qualifications to lease on his own, unless he wanted to put down another $3k for his deposit. Shortly after I’d moved out, he did too.
My moving out wasn’t the nicest, or smoothest when it came to keeping a relationship, I wasn’t quite sure i wanted to keep a relationship with a drunk, so I won’t lie, I didn’t give a fuck. So when i packed up, he had no idea when i was leaving, he continued to harass me about when i was leaving, so i lied, I told him id be out by the end of the month, he didn’t realize I’d be out by the end of the month we were still in (it was the 29th, he’d assumed i meant next month). A day passed, and I’d hired movers to come help me pack up and move all my belongings, to a storage unit that is.
So when i part ways with people, I’d like to leave with all that i came with. No, I will not leave you any living room furniture. Not a single chair, not bedroom furniture, no kitchenware. None of the above, plus some. If all you wanted to do was buy video games and alcohol, that’s all I’m going to leave you with. I furnished the house, I’m most definitely taking everything that I’d purchased and made sacrifices for. So when the movers took the last bit they looked at me and grinned with a little chuckle holding a set of lamps that went with the living room set and said to me “you realize there are no light structures in more than half the house, the rooms were lit up with the lamps right?” I smiled at him, thinking how considerate and took a moment to answer.
“This man will soon learn to know, I was the light of his life”
Next thing you know I get a call a few hours later with a “you’re such a petty bitch” “blah blah blah” I was just glad to get away from that. I honestly didn’t care what names he’d called me, i recall responding with a “yeah, you and your momma too”
That was MOSTLY it, but about a month later, I hear he’s dating another girl, with my name. It was odd, but at the same time, I didn’t really care, I was happy to get away from what failed to feel like a safe space and i was glad i didn’t have to see him or talk to him anymore.
I’d found my safe haven, back at my mother’s house for the time, I was in my peace, and the glow up was immaculate.
Till next time friends!